How old do I feel?

OK, so I'm not that young anymore. And granted I've got to a point when I would rather not add another +1 to my age every year but I still feel young. Then I get a message on Facebook from an ex-student saying 'Oh my god, my old teacher'. Fine but he is 26 with a wife and three kids. I'll be getting out my tweeds soon and sowing on the patches. Bollocks.

A week at a new school

I am not going to go into it but you would not believe the week i am having, and I have finally started a job at my new school. What a difference it makes to finally belong somewhere, have your own classroom and just start being me for a change.

The kids are suitably challenging but also a bit taken aback i think. 'Who the hell is this?' i hear them cry as they walk in. Little do they know whats in store for them.........

Loads of things I've noticed though about going back into a permenant job. The planning now has to be done; i can't just sit back and wait for the next day to come. Something i was looking forward to but then we all like our evenings without stressing about the next day lessons. Bu then I love the freedom it gives you. I can think up any way I want to teach these kids a topic, no matter how random it gets and believe me it gets random. I sit sometimes and just think about some different, more interesting way to show ideas. what other props can I use, what other activities haven't I tried. Sometimes it works, sometimes it's useless but I try. And it's not all for them, it's for me too. Makes it more interesting somehow.

Staff are great so far but again I don't think they know what's in store for them. I did try and tell them at interview I wasn't your normal teacher, a maverick my reference said. Well, I'm in now and they can't chuck me out.

Got to love it!

Trust me I'm a Teacher

Why is it I can't help telling stories to the kids I teach. Normally in life someone who has to lie about their life lacks conficence in who they really are (have done but trying to stop it and be honest about myself, trying mind). But this is different. I have an idea for a lesson, i want to get their interest so a make up a story.

I'm teaching adaptation and I tell them about the rat people in Prague who live in the sewers. They went down there during the war to escape the Nazis and never came out. Now they look like rats with large eyes, sensitive noses and even whiskers. I told them I would bag one and bring it home.(I'm sure some of this is true)

I'm telling them about genetic engineering and go off on a story about how KFC have produced chickens shaped like balls with no necks for extra efficiency. there is also a version with extra legs for the KFC bucket! (got into trouble with that one, they have to tell their parents don't they.)

And did you know trachea comes from the roman word for tractor - nor did I until it came out one day.

Today I told them how I worked for the police as a blood splatter expert and went into gruesome detail about splatter patterns when you hit someone with an axe. That crime apparently I managed to solve almost single handedly.

Thing is kids are fantastically gullible and I can't help it. So the next time you meet someone and they give you an outrageuos 'fact' they 'learnt' at school don't put them right, leave them. It makes for a much more interesting world.

Kid stuff

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?

Ba-Boom!

Can't teach Charisma

Trainee teachers are great to take on and train. I will always welcome another person who shares a passion for working in the classroom. They can be filled with fresh ideas, a refreshingly idealistic notion of what teaching should be like and an enthusiasm in the classroom that becomes infectious. Or they can leave you scratching your head wondering why they ever thought of going into the profession. However, the most challenging type to train are those that lack that vital ingredient in the classroom, charisma.

I sat in on an observation this week of a trainee. He knew about structure of lessons, his subject knowledge was passable but he was a million miles away from relating to the students and he was so boring. Now how do you feed back on that.

"That was great, you had clear structure and good planning. However, you do need to develop some kind of personality to stop the kids hating you."

There was one who used to hold a small finger bell in class and shake it to get the kids quiet. Needless to say they erupted in laughter and barraged her with paper and abuse. Another used to think he was in Hortwogs by saying "Too much Pottering!" when the kids were talking. Again the kids pissed themselves.

I'm not judging, it just makes me laugh. Let's face it, plenty of teachers with strange habits have worked successfully for years.

Lowest common denominator

So I'm doing supply at the moment waiting to start full time next week. It's got its bonus points; no planning, marking, stressing. But I am the lowest point in the teaching food chain and that's alright. Sometimes feel like some kind of Clark Kent wanting to rip his shirt open and shout 'I'll save you!' but I won't.

The kids are funny as hell. I am a walking 'legend' apparently, 'lethal' with it. Their normal teacher comes back and no matter how much of a bastard I have been to them (not really, you just have to put them in their place sometimes) they all sound disappointed for me to leave.

Have been walking down the street, my most difficult student shows up and smiles! Fucking smiles after giving grief and attitude and language. I smile back, we chat and it feels like we've been mates for years.

Seems like you build relationships with everyone you meet. I suppose it's up to us whether we want to make anything out of them.

See, you get alot in return.

Back to what I know

I have left this for so long because I couldn't think of what to put down. What do I have to share? What witticisms do I have to contibute to the vast sphere of blogging?

So why start contributing now? Because I am going back to something that I found I love. I am retuning back to a life that I gave up and then missed terribly. I am returning to be a teacher.

Last year, after twelve hard years of teaching, moving from lowly newby teacher to award winning head of department, I gave it all up to retrain as a gardener. I thought I had done my time in teaching and wanted to see what the world had to offer outside the school asylum. However, after digging too many holes, on my own, in the middle of a field; after talking to too many plants in polytunnels; after wondering why I was just so damned bored, I finally twigged that I missed it all.

I missed the relationships you have with over a thousand people each day, the buzz and energy of performing every hour to a less than enthusiastic audience, the feeling of being involved in shaping some sort of future for someone other than yourself, the laughter, the frustration and the feeling of reaching the end of the week and you bloody deserve a drink.

I love teaching. I think I have the best job in the world for me. I thought that maybe I was missing out but I'm not. I know what I'm good at and this is it and over the next few posts (maybe a lot more) I'm going to let you in to my world. The one where kids set light to rockets down corridors, where they throw stools at strangers, where they get stoned, fight, swear, cry, scream but one where they smile, laugh, love and make me feel that somehow they care and our future will be alright.

I love this world and I love them, so welcome and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.